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I hate learning through experience. Just once I'd like to learn something because someone was nice enough to tell me in advance.
Rita Rudner
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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Hate
Experience
Tell
Someone
Enough
Advance
Something
Learning
Like
Nice
Learn
More quotes by Rita Rudner
After you've dated someone it should be legal to stamp them with what's wrong with them so the next person doesn't have to start from scratch.
Rita Rudner
My Vegas act is how I make my money.
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Individuality in dressing is not important to men. If they all look alike it means they haven't made a mistake.
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My father watched football with the sound off because he lived in fear of hearing the voice of Howard Cosell.
Rita Rudner
I never know what to get my father for his birthday. I gave him a hundred dollars and said, 'Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.' So he went out and bought a present for my mother.
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I just don't get cats. To me, they're a waste of fur.
Rita Rudner
No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary Grant is on record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant.
Rita Rudner
Life is tough enough without having someone kick you from the inside.
Rita Rudner
Men would like monogamy better if it sounded less like monotony.
Rita Rudner
The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him
Rita Rudner
A saleslady holds up an ugly dress and says, 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?
Rita Rudner
I suffer from peroxide phobia. Every time I've gotten near a blond woman, something of mine has disappeared. Jobs, boyfriends... one time an angora sweater leaped right off my body.
Rita Rudner
How come when you mix water and flour together you get glue...and then you add eggs and sugar and you get cake? Where does the glue go?
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When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she will assume she has gained weight. When a man tries something from his closet that feels tight, he will assume the clothing has shrunk.
Rita Rudner
Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.
Rita Rudner
Men don't mature. Marry a younger one.
Rita Rudner
Halloween was confusing. All my life my parents said, Never take candy from strangers. And then they dressed me up and said, Go beg for it. I didn't know what to do. I'd knock on people's doors and go, Trick or treat.
Rita Rudner
I burned sixty calories. That should take care of a peanut I had in 1962.
Rita Rudner
If you like easygoing, monogamous men, stay away from billionaires.
Rita Rudner
I had no desire to be a stand-up comic until I decided to do it.
Rita Rudner