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I adore being hitched. It's so extraordinary to discover one unique individual you need to irritate for whatever remains of your life.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Need
Irritate
Needs
Adore
Life
Discover
Extraordinary
Remains
Unique
Whatever
Individual
Hitched

More quotes by Rita Rudner

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Going out to eat is expensive. I was out at one restaurant and they didn't have prices on the menu. Just faces with different expressions of horror.
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All men look at Dr. Ruth and wonder how she has gained all that sexual experience.
Rita Rudner
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Never take candy from strangers.
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My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping.
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Most women are introspective: Am I in love? Am I emotionally and creatively fulfilled? Most men are outrospective: Did my team win? How's my car?
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My father was never very friendly. When I was growing up, I thought the doorbell ringing was a signal to pretend you weren't home.
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I loved my mother very much, but she was not a good cook. Most turkeys taste better the day after my mother's tasted better the day before. In our house Thanksgiving was a time for sorrow.
Rita Rudner
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There are different kinds of humor, some is sarcastic, some introspective. Introspective fit my personality better.
Rita Rudner
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A saleslady holds up an ugly dress and says, 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?
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One of my first office jobs was cleaning the windows on brown envelopes.
Rita Rudner
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Life is tough enough without having someone kick you from the inside.
Rita Rudner
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Men don't live well by themselves. They don't even live like people. They live like bears with furniture.
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I hate learning through experience. Just once I'd like to learn something because someone was nice enough to tell me in advance.
Rita Rudner
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When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.
Rita Rudner
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My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow.
Rita Rudner
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Halloween was confusing. All my life my parents said, Never take candy from strangers. And then they dressed me up and said, Go beg for it. I didn't know what to do. I'd knock on people's doors and go, Trick or treat.
Rita Rudner
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If your husband has difficulty getting to sleep, the words 'we need to talk about our relationship' may help.
Rita Rudner
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Men don't feel the urge to get married as quickly as women do because their clothes all button and zip in the front. Women's dresses usually button and zip in the back. We need men emotionally and sexually, but we also need men to help us get dressed.
Rita Rudner
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Most turkeys taste better the day after my mother's tasted better the day before.
Rita Rudner
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I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.
Rita Rudner