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Men do cry, but only when assembling furniture.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Assembling
Furniture
Cry
Men

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Envy the kangaroo. That pouch setup is extraordinary the baby crawls out of the womb when it is about two inches long, gets into the pouch, and proceeds to mature. I'd have a baby if it would develop in my handbag.
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I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.
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I burned sixty calories. That should take care of a peanut I had in 1962.
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Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?
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My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow.
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You know it's love when you want to keep holding hands even after you're sweaty.
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Most women are introspective: Am I in love? Am I emotionally and creatively fulfilled? Most men are outrospective: Did my team win? How's my car?
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I never know what to get my father for his birthday. I gave him a hundred dollars and said, 'Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.' So he went out and bought a present for my mother.
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My new dress. Do you like it? It's from my favorite designer, On Sale.
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My father was never very friendly. When I was growing up, I thought the doorbell ringing was a signal to pretend you weren't home.
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The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him
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We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet.
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All men look at Dr. Ruth and wonder how she has gained all that sexual experience.
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Men who are going bald often wear baseball caps.
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When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.
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A saleslady holds up an ugly dress and says, 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?
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My father watched football with the sound off because he lived in fear of hearing the voice of Howard Cosell.
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My cousin just got married for the totally wrong reasons. She married a man for money. She wasn't real subtle about it. Instead of calling him her fiancé, she kept calling him her financee.
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Never take candy from strangers.
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I was a ballerina. I had to quit after I injured a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.
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