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Men do cry, but only when assembling furniture.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Men
Assembling
Furniture
Cry

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My father was never very friendly. When I was growing up, I thought the doorbell ringing was a signal to pretend you weren't home.
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Envy the kangaroo. That pouch setup is extraordinary the baby crawls out of the womb when it is about two inches long, gets into the pouch, and proceeds to mature. I'd have a baby if it would develop in my handbag.
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Men don't live well by themselves. They don't even live like people. They live like bears with furniture.
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My Vegas act is how I make my money.
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Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.
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I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them.
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Men are brave enough to go to war, but they are not brave enough to get a bikini wax.
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I don't think jogging is healthy, especially morning jogging. If morning joggers knew how tempting they looked to morning motorists, they would stay home and do sit-ups.
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I want to have young children although my mother and father are even now young sufficient to just take care of them.
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I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.
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When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.
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I have been doing leg lifts faithfully for about fifteen years, and the only thing that has gotten thinner is the carpet where I have been doing the leg lifts.
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Waiters and waitresses are becoming nicer and much more caring. I used to pay my check, they would say Thank you. That's now escalated into You care care of yourself, now. The other day I paid my check and the waiter said, Don't put off that mammogram.
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Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.
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Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with super-heroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.
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Individuality in dressing is not important to men. If they all look alike it means they haven't made a mistake.
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I jogged for three miles once. It was the worst three hours of my life.
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To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'
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An amicable divorce is like a ventilated condom it just doesn't work.
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Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in.
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