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I jogged for three miles once. It was the worst three hours of my life.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Three
Life
Jogged
Miles
Worst
Hours

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I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.
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I get so happy when I write a joke. It's a very satisfying, liberating feeling.
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No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary Grant is on record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant.
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Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.
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Men do not like to admit to even momentary imperfection. My husband forgot the code to turn off the alarm. When the police came, he wouldn't admit he'd forgotten the code... he turned himself in.
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One of my first office jobs was cleaning the windows on brown envelopes.
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The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him
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To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'
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I had the most boring office job in the world...I used to clean the windows on envelopes.
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Men don't feel the urge to get married as quickly as women do because their clothes all button and zip in the front. Women's dresses usually button and zip in the back. We need men emotionally and sexually, but we also need men to help us get dressed.
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The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down.
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I don't like when there's too much conversation because I'm shy and it makes me uncomfortable.
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Most turkeys taste better the day after my mother's tasted better the day before.
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Not one man in a beer commercial has a beerbelly.
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Only men who have worn a ski suit understand how complicated it is for a woman to go to the bathroom when she's wearing a jumpsuit.
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Women take clothing much more seriously than men. I've never seen a man walk into a party and say Oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed get me out of here. There's another man wearing a black tuxedo.
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I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.
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I never know what to get my father for his birthday. I gave him a hundred dollars and said, 'Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.' So he went out and bought a present for my mother.
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I work for myself, which is fun. Except when I call in sick, I know I'm lying.
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Most women are introspective: Am I in love? Am I emotionally and creatively fulfilled? Most men are outrospective: Did my team win? How's my car?
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