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I jogged for three miles once. It was the worst three hours of my life.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Three
Life
Jogged
Miles
Worst
Hours

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My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping.
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I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them.
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I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself well, that's not going to happen
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After you've dated someone it should be legal to stamp them with what's wrong with them so the next person doesn't have to start from scratch.
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My Vegas act is how I make my money.
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If I say a joke and the audience laughs it makes me feel good.
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A saleslady holds up an ugly dress and says, 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?
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When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.
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Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.
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If you like easygoing, monogamous men, stay away from billionaires.
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Men hate to lose. I once beat my husband at tennis. I asked him, Are we going to have sex again? He said, Yes, but not with each other.
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Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with super-heroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.
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I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.
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You know the oxygen masks on airplanes? I don't think there's really any oxygen. I think they're just to muffle the screams.
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I don't want to push the envelope. Let the envelope stay in the middle of the table. I'll just make you laugh.
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Men do not like to admit to even momentary imperfection. My husband forgot the code to turn off the alarm. When the police came, he wouldn't admit he'd forgotten the code... he turned himself in.
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Never take candy from strangers.
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Men who listen to classical music tend not to spit.
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One of my first office jobs was cleaning the windows on brown envelopes.
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