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I jogged for three miles once. It was the worst three hours of my life.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Worst
Hours
Three
Life
Jogged
Miles

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An amicable divorce is like a ventilated condom it just doesn't work.
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I don't think jogging is healthy, especially morning jogging. If morning joggers knew how tempting they looked to morning motorists, they would stay home and do sit-ups.
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I love to write jokes and that's all I think about.
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Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with super-heroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.
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Individuality in dressing is not important to men. If they all look alike it means they haven't made a mistake.
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When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.
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How come when you mix water and flour together you get glue...and then you add eggs and sugar and you get cake? Where does the glue go?
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Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in.
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My cousin just got married for the totally wrong reasons. She married a man for money. She wasn't real subtle about it. Instead of calling him her fiancé, she kept calling him her financee.
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My father was never very friendly. When I was growing up, I thought the doorbell ringing was a signal to pretend you weren't home.
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Not one man in a beer commercial has a beerbelly.
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My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping.
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Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.
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Most turkeys taste better the day after my mother's tasted better the day before.
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All men think that they're nice guys. Some of them are not. Contact me for a list of names.
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Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times.
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I work for myself, which is fun. Except when I call in sick, I know I'm lying.
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My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.
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I never know what to get my father for his birthday. I gave him a hundred dollars and said, 'Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.' So he went out and bought a present for my mother.
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Men do cry, but only when assembling furniture.
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