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My cousin just got married for the totally wrong reasons. She married a man for money. She wasn't real subtle about it. Instead of calling him her fiancé, she kept calling him her financee.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Men
Calling
Married
Instead
Fianc
Wasn
Cousin
Wrong
Subtle
Money
Kept
Reason
Totally
Real
Reasons

More quotes by Rita Rudner

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Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times.
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Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.
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Envy the kangaroo. That pouch setup is extraordinary the baby crawls out of the womb when it is about two inches long, gets into the pouch, and proceeds to mature. I'd have a baby if it would develop in my handbag.
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No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary Grant is on record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant.
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Los Angeles is a very transient town. It's the only place I know where you can actually rent a dog.
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Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.
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I never know what to get my father for his birthday. I gave him a hundred dollars and said, 'Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.' So he went out and bought a present for my mother.
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My father was never very friendly. When I was growing up, I thought the doorbell ringing was a signal to pretend you weren't home.
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You know the oxygen masks on airplanes? I don't think there's really any oxygen. I think they're just to muffle the screams.
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Wives are people who think it's against the law not to answer the phone when it rings.
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Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?
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I get a lot of return business. I think it's all those years I put in traveling around the country people saw me before and had a good time so they want to see me again.
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My Vegas act is how I make my money.
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Men do not like to admit to even momentary imperfection. My husband forgot the code to turn off the alarm. When the police came, he wouldn't admit he'd forgotten the code... he turned himself in.
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The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him
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My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.
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I love to write jokes and that's all I think about.
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My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.
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My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow.
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An amicable divorce is like a ventilated condom it just doesn't work.
Rita Rudner