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My cousin just got married for the totally wrong reasons. She married a man for money. She wasn't real subtle about it. Instead of calling him her fiancé, she kept calling him her financee.
Rita Rudner
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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Money
Kept
Reason
Totally
Real
Reasons
Men
Calling
Married
Instead
Fianc
Wasn
Cousin
Wrong
Subtle
More quotes by Rita Rudner
Men don't live well by themselves. They don't even live like people. They live like bears with furniture.
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If I say a joke and the audience laughs it makes me feel good.
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When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.
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When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.
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When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she will assume she has gained weight. When a man tries something from his closet that feels tight, he will assume the clothing has shrunk.
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I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself well, that's not going to happen
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Why are women wearing perfumes that smell like flowers to attract men? Men don't like flowers. I have a great idea for a scent that will attract men - how about New Car Interior?
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Men don't mature. Marry a younger one.
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Men own basketball teams. Every year cheerleaders' outfits get tighter and briefer, and players' shorts get baggier and longer.
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I don't look back. I'm like a shark - I only look forward.
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An amicable divorce is like a ventilated condom it just doesn't work.
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I get so happy when I write a joke. It's a very satisfying, liberating feeling.
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The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him
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If your husband has difficulty getting to sleep, the words 'we need to talk about our relationship' may help.
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We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet.
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I hate learning through experience. Just once I'd like to learn something because someone was nice enough to tell me in advance.
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You know it's love when you want to keep holding hands even after you're sweaty.
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I never know what to get my father for his birthday. I gave him a hundred dollars and said, 'Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.' So he went out and bought a present for my mother.
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I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.
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Men accept compliments much better than women do. Example: Mitch, you look great. Mitch: Thanks. On the other side: Ruth, you look great. Ruth: I do? Must be the lighting.
Rita Rudner