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My cousin just got married for the totally wrong reasons. She married a man for money. She wasn't real subtle about it. Instead of calling him her fiancé, she kept calling him her financee.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Men
Calling
Married
Instead
Fianc
Wasn
Cousin
Wrong
Subtle
Money
Kept
Reason
Totally
Real
Reasons

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Most turkeys taste better the day after my mother's tasted better the day before.
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Most women are introspective: Am I in love? Am I emotionally and creatively fulfilled? Most men are outrospective: Did my team win? How's my car?
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My father watched football with the sound off because he lived in fear of hearing the voice of Howard Cosell.
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Thirty, I really like you but I still have to see other people.
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I work for myself, which is fun. Except when I call in sick, I know I'm lying.
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When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.
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If you like easygoing, monogamous men, stay away from billionaires.
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I want to have young children although my mother and father are even now young sufficient to just take care of them.
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Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
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A saleslady holds up an ugly dress and says, 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?
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To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'
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Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with super-heroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.
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My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow.
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We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet.
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Envy the kangaroo. That pouch setup is extraordinary the baby crawls out of the womb when it is about two inches long, gets into the pouch, and proceeds to mature. I'd have a baby if it would develop in my handbag.
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If your husband has difficulty getting to sleep, the words 'we need to talk about our relationship' may help.
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My parents were glad to see that my new husband looks like a 'regular guy'-no earring or anything. But really I think a man with an earring is better prepared for marriage. I mean, he's already experienced pain and bought jewelry.
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The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down.
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Men do not like to admit to even momentary imperfection. My husband forgot the code to turn off the alarm. When the police came, he wouldn't admit he'd forgotten the code... he turned himself in.
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Men don't mature. Marry a younger one.
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