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I don't look back. I'm like a shark - I only look forward.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Sharks
Regret
Forward
Back
Look
Looks
Like
Shark

More quotes by Rita Rudner

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One of my first office jobs was cleaning the windows on brown envelopes.
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Men who listen to classical music tend not to spit.
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When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.
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I just don't get cats. To me, they're a waste of fur.
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I had no desire to be a stand-up comic until I decided to do it.
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Most turkeys taste better the day after my mother's tasted better the day before.
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Not one man in a beer commercial has a beerbelly.
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A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.
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I work for myself, which is fun. Except when I call in sick, I know I'm lying.
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I suffer from peroxide phobia. Every time I've gotten near a blond woman, something of mine has disappeared. Jobs, boyfriends... one time an angora sweater leaped right off my body.
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Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in.
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Men do cry, but only when assembling furniture.
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When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.
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Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.
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I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don't know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I'll break up with someone on purpose.
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I get so happy when I write a joke. It's a very satisfying, liberating feeling.
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My cousin just got married for the totally wrong reasons. She married a man for money. She wasn't real subtle about it. Instead of calling him her fiancé, she kept calling him her financee.
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Yes, I've now got this nice little apartment in New York, one of those L-shaped ones. Unfortunately, it's a lower case l.
Rita Rudner
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I love to write jokes and that's all I think about.
Rita Rudner
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Life is tough enough without having someone kick you from the inside.
Rita Rudner