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Men don't live well by themselves. They don't even live like people. They live like bears with furniture.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Wells
Well
Even
Men
Like
People
Furniture
Bears
Live

More quotes by Rita Rudner

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My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.
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Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
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You know the oxygen masks on airplanes? I don't think there's really any oxygen. I think they're just to muffle the screams.
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Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.
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Waiters and waitresses are becoming nicer and much more caring. I used to pay my check, they would say Thank you. That's now escalated into You care care of yourself, now. The other day I paid my check and the waiter said, Don't put off that mammogram.
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When you're a dancer, you start with the basics. You don't all of a sudden do a grand jete and pirouette. You start with first position, second, third.
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An amicable divorce is like a ventilated condom it just doesn't work.
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Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.
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Men would like monogamy better if it sounded less like monotony.
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My father was never very friendly. When I was growing up, I thought the doorbell ringing was a signal to pretend you weren't home.
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I burned sixty calories. That should take care of a peanut I had in 1962.
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Men who listen to classical music tend not to spit.
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I loved my mother very much, but she was not a good cook. Most turkeys taste better the day after my mother's tasted better the day before. In our house Thanksgiving was a time for sorrow.
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Individuality in dressing is not important to men. If they all look alike it means they haven't made a mistake.
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My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping.
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My father watched football with the sound off because he lived in fear of hearing the voice of Howard Cosell.
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When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.
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I get a lot of return business. I think it's all those years I put in traveling around the country people saw me before and had a good time so they want to see me again.
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The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him
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I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.
Rita Rudner