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The way a man looks at himself in a mirror will tell you if he can ever care about anyone else.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Men
Anyone
Funny
Tell
Else
Care
Ever
Mirror
Looks
Mirrors
Way
Humor

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My Vegas act is how I make my money.
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I love to write jokes and that's all I think about.
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Men don't mature. Marry a younger one.
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I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them.
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Going out to eat is expensive. I was out at one restaurant and they didn't have prices on the menu. Just faces with different expressions of horror.
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I get so happy when I write a joke. It's a very satisfying, liberating feeling.
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Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with super-heroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.
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I adore being hitched. It's so extraordinary to discover one unique individual you need to irritate for whatever remains of your life.
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Why are women wearing perfumes that smell like flowers to attract men? Men don't like flowers. I have a great idea for a scent that will attract men - how about New Car Interior?
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I don't think jogging is healthy, especially morning jogging. If morning joggers knew how tempting they looked to morning motorists, they would stay home and do sit-ups.
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Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
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I have too many credit cards. You know what happened? Someone stole one and I didn't notice. I noticed when I got that bill. Whoa! It was so much less! I'm letting him keep it. I'm saving money!
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Yes, I've now got this nice little apartment in New York, one of those L-shaped ones. Unfortunately, it's a lower case l.
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Men are brave enough to go to war, but they are not brave enough to get a bikini wax.
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I burned sixty calories. That should take care of a peanut I had in 1962.
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After you've dated someone it should be legal to stamp them with what's wrong with them so the next person doesn't have to start from scratch.
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Men don't feel the urge to get married as quickly as women do because their clothes all button and zip in the front. Women's dresses usually button and zip in the back. We need men emotionally and sexually, but we also need men to help us get dressed.
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You know the oxygen masks on airplanes? I don't think there's really any oxygen. I think they're just to muffle the screams.
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A saleslady holds up an ugly dress and says, 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?
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Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.
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