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The way a man looks at himself in a mirror will tell you if he can ever care about anyone else.
Rita Rudner
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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Care
Ever
Mirror
Looks
Mirrors
Way
Humor
Men
Anyone
Funny
Tell
Else
More quotes by Rita Rudner
Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.
Rita Rudner
Most turkeys taste better the day after my mother's tasted better the day before.
Rita Rudner
Going out to eat is expensive. I was out at one restaurant and they didn't have prices on the menu. Just faces with different expressions of horror.
Rita Rudner
I don't look back. I'm like a shark - I only look forward.
Rita Rudner
Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.
Rita Rudner
I don't think jogging is healthy, especially morning jogging. If morning joggers knew how tempting they looked to morning motorists, they would stay home and do sit-ups.
Rita Rudner
Men don't feel the urge to get married as quickly as women do because their clothes all button and zip in the front. Women's dresses usually button and zip in the back. We need men emotionally and sexually, but we also need men to help us get dressed.
Rita Rudner
My father was never very friendly. When I was growing up, I thought the doorbell ringing was a signal to pretend you weren't home.
Rita Rudner
I get a lot of return business. I think it's all those years I put in traveling around the country people saw me before and had a good time so they want to see me again.
Rita Rudner
Why are women wearing perfumes that smell like flowers to attract men? Men don't like flowers. I have a great idea for a scent that will attract men - how about New Car Interior?
Rita Rudner
I jogged for three miles once. It was the worst three hours of my life.
Rita Rudner
Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with super-heroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.
Rita Rudner
I'll never understand why people go to movie theaters to have conversations. Going to the movies to talk is like going to a restaurant to cook. The idea is that you have paid your money to have someone do something better than you can do it yourself.
Rita Rudner
How come when you mix water and flour together you get glue...and then you add eggs and sugar and you get cake? Where does the glue go?
Rita Rudner
I had the most boring office job in the world...I used to clean the windows on envelopes.
Rita Rudner
I have too many credit cards. You know what happened? Someone stole one and I didn't notice. I noticed when I got that bill. Whoa! It was so much less! I'm letting him keep it. I'm saving money!
Rita Rudner
My father watched football with the sound off because he lived in fear of hearing the voice of Howard Cosell.
Rita Rudner
I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.
Rita Rudner
If you like easygoing, monogamous men, stay away from billionaires.
Rita Rudner
I just don't get cats. To me, they're a waste of fur.
Rita Rudner