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Los Angeles is a very transient town. It's the only place I know where you can actually rent a dog.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Towns
Dog
Actually
Place
Transient
Rent
Angeles
Town

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If your husband has difficulty getting to sleep, the words 'we need to talk about our relationship' may help.
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Men accept compliments much better than women do. Example: Mitch, you look great. Mitch: Thanks. On the other side: Ruth, you look great. Ruth: I do? Must be the lighting.
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Men do cry, but only when assembling furniture.
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I never know what to get my father for his birthday. I gave him a hundred dollars and said, 'Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.' So he went out and bought a present for my mother.
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I was a ballerina. I had to quit after I injured a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.
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Thirty, I really like you but I still have to see other people.
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Never take candy from strangers.
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Most women are introspective: Am I in love? Am I emotionally and creatively fulfilled? Most men are outrospective: Did my team win? How's my car?
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Yes, I've now got this nice little apartment in New York, one of those L-shaped ones. Unfortunately, it's a lower case l.
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A saleslady holds up an ugly dress and says, 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?
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Be careful of men who are bald and rich the arrogance of rich usually cancels out the nice of bald.
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When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she will assume she has gained weight. When a man tries something from his closet that feels tight, he will assume the clothing has shrunk.
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Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in.
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Men are brave enough to go to war, but they are not brave enough to get a bikini wax.
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Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.
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I had no desire to be a stand-up comic until I decided to do it.
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I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don't know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I'll break up with someone on purpose.
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Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
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Waiters and waitresses are becoming nicer and much more caring. I used to pay my check, they would say Thank you. That's now escalated into You care care of yourself, now. The other day I paid my check and the waiter said, Don't put off that mammogram.
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I hate learning through experience. Just once I'd like to learn something because someone was nice enough to tell me in advance.
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