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Men have an easier time buying bathing suits. Women have two types: depressing and more depressing. Men have two types: nerdy and not nerdy.
Rita Rudner
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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Humor
Nerdy
Easier
Bathing
Funny
Depressing
Two
Types
Women
Suits
Men
Buying
Time
Clothes
Type
More quotes by Rita Rudner
The way a man looks at himself in a mirror will tell you if he can ever care about anyone else.
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Yes, I've now got this nice little apartment in New York, one of those L-shaped ones. Unfortunately, it's a lower case l.
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We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet.
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Never take candy from strangers.
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Wives are people who think it's against the law not to answer the phone when it rings.
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I never know what to get my father for his birthday. I gave him a hundred dollars and said, 'Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.' So he went out and bought a present for my mother.
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I get a lot of return business. I think it's all those years I put in traveling around the country people saw me before and had a good time so they want to see me again.
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The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down.
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Men would like monogamy better if it sounded less like monotony.
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I hate learning through experience. Just once I'd like to learn something because someone was nice enough to tell me in advance.
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I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.
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Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with super-heroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.
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I had no desire to be a stand-up comic until I decided to do it.
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Only men who have worn a ski suit understand how complicated it is for a woman to go to the bathroom when she's wearing a jumpsuit.
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An amicable divorce is like a ventilated condom it just doesn't work.
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The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him
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Going out to eat is expensive. I was out at one restaurant and they didn't have prices on the menu. Just faces with different expressions of horror.
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Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.
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You know the oxygen masks on airplanes? I don't think there's really any oxygen. I think they're just to muffle the screams.
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Men don't live well by themselves. They don't even live like people. They live like bears with furniture.
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