Quote

Men have an easier time buying bathing suits. Women have two types: depressing and more depressing. Men have two types: nerdy and not nerdy.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Funny
Depressing
Two
Types
Women
Suits
Men
Buying
Time
Clothes
Type
Humor
Nerdy
Easier
Bathing

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You know the oxygen masks on airplanes? I don't think there's really any oxygen. I think they're just to muffle the screams.
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My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow.
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Men don't live well by themselves. They don't even live like people. They live like bears with furniture.
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Only men who have worn a ski suit understand how complicated it is for a woman to go to the bathroom when she's wearing a jumpsuit.
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Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in.
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If your husband has difficulty getting to sleep, the words 'we need to talk about our relationship' may help.
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My father was never very friendly. When I was growing up, I thought the doorbell ringing was a signal to pretend you weren't home.
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My new dress. Do you like it? It's from my favorite designer, On Sale.
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I love to write jokes and that's all I think about.
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How come when you mix water and flour together you get glue...and then you add eggs and sugar and you get cake? Where does the glue go?
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A saleslady holds up an ugly dress and says, 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?
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All men think that they're nice guys. Some of them are not. Contact me for a list of names.
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It takes six months to get into shape and two weeks to get out of shape. Once you know this you can stop being angry about other things in life and only be angry about this.
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I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself well, that's not going to happen
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Envy the kangaroo. That pouch setup is extraordinary the baby crawls out of the womb when it is about two inches long, gets into the pouch, and proceeds to mature. I'd have a baby if it would develop in my handbag.
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The way a man looks at himself in a mirror will tell you if he can ever care about anyone else.
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Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?
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Never take candy from strangers.
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Be careful of men who are bald and rich the arrogance of rich usually cancels out the nice of bald.
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I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them.
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