Quote

Men have an easier time buying bathing suits. Women have two types: depressing and more depressing. Men have two types: nerdy and not nerdy.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Time
Clothes
Type
Humor
Nerdy
Easier
Bathing
Funny
Depressing
Two
Types
Women
Suits
Men
Buying

More quotes by Rita Rudner

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Why are women wearing perfumes that smell like flowers to attract men? Men don't like flowers. I have a great idea for a scent that will attract men - how about New Car Interior?
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Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.
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My new dress. Do you like it? It's from my favorite designer, On Sale.
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Halloween was confusing. All my life my parents said, Never take candy from strangers. And then they dressed me up and said, Go beg for it. I didn't know what to do. I'd knock on people's doors and go, Trick or treat.
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Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
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My father watched football with the sound off because he lived in fear of hearing the voice of Howard Cosell.
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I love to write jokes and that's all I think about.
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Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.
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Men do not like to admit to even momentary imperfection. My husband forgot the code to turn off the alarm. When the police came, he wouldn't admit he'd forgotten the code... he turned himself in.
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I get a lot of return business. I think it's all those years I put in traveling around the country people saw me before and had a good time so they want to see me again.
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When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she will assume she has gained weight. When a man tries something from his closet that feels tight, he will assume the clothing has shrunk.
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My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping.
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Be careful of men who are bald and rich the arrogance of rich usually cancels out the nice of bald.
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Never take candy from strangers.
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After you've dated someone it should be legal to stamp them with what's wrong with them so the next person doesn't have to start from scratch.
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A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.
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I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.
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How come when you mix water and flour together you get glue...and then you add eggs and sugar and you get cake? Where does the glue go?
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Men would like monogamy better if it sounded less like monotony.
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An amicable divorce is like a ventilated condom it just doesn't work.
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