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A saleslady holds up an ugly dress and says, 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Says
Fire
Better
Looks
Holds
Much
Dress
Dresses
Ugly
Clothes

More quotes by Rita Rudner

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I adore being hitched. It's so extraordinary to discover one unique individual you need to irritate for whatever remains of your life.
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I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself well, that's not going to happen
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Why are women wearing perfumes that smell like flowers to attract men? Men don't like flowers. I have a great idea for a scent that will attract men - how about New Car Interior?
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Women take clothing much more seriously than men. I've never seen a man walk into a party and say Oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed get me out of here. There's another man wearing a black tuxedo.
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Wives are people who think it's against the law not to answer the phone when it rings.
Rita Rudner
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We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet.
Rita Rudner
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I loved my mother very much, but she was not a good cook. Most turkeys taste better the day after my mother's tasted better the day before. In our house Thanksgiving was a time for sorrow.
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My cousin just got married for the totally wrong reasons. She married a man for money. She wasn't real subtle about it. Instead of calling him her fiancé, she kept calling him her financee.
Rita Rudner
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Men do cry, but only when assembling furniture.
Rita Rudner
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If I say a joke and the audience laughs it makes me feel good.
Rita Rudner
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Most turkeys taste better the day after my mother's tasted better the day before.
Rita Rudner
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I have too many credit cards. You know what happened? Someone stole one and I didn't notice. I noticed when I got that bill. Whoa! It was so much less! I'm letting him keep it. I'm saving money!
Rita Rudner
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To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'
Rita Rudner
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My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow.
Rita Rudner
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I had no desire to be a stand-up comic until I decided to do it.
Rita Rudner
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Los Angeles is a very transient town. It's the only place I know where you can actually rent a dog.
Rita Rudner
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You know the oxygen masks on airplanes? I don't think there's really any oxygen. I think they're just to muffle the screams.
Rita Rudner
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All men think that they're nice guys. Some of them are not. Contact me for a list of names.
Rita Rudner
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Men own basketball teams. Every year cheerleaders' outfits get tighter and briefer, and players' shorts get baggier and longer.
Rita Rudner
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When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.
Rita Rudner