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A saleslady holds up an ugly dress and says, 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Fire
Better
Looks
Holds
Much
Dress
Dresses
Ugly
Clothes
Says

More quotes by Rita Rudner

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I was a ballerina. I had to quit after I injured a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.
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My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.
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I jogged for three miles once. It was the worst three hours of my life.
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You know it's love when you want to keep holding hands even after you're sweaty.
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If I say a joke and the audience laughs it makes me feel good.
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Men don't feel the urge to get married as quickly as women do because their clothes all button and zip in the front. Women's dresses usually button and zip in the back. We need men emotionally and sexually, but we also need men to help us get dressed.
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A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.
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I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.
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Most women are introspective: Am I in love? Am I emotionally and creatively fulfilled? Most men are outrospective: Did my team win? How's my car?
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Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?
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Waiters and waitresses are becoming nicer and much more caring. I used to pay my check, they would say Thank you. That's now escalated into You care care of yourself, now. The other day I paid my check and the waiter said, Don't put off that mammogram.
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Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
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I had the most boring office job in the world...I used to clean the windows on envelopes.
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The way a man looks at himself in a mirror will tell you if he can ever care about anyone else.
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I work for myself, which is fun. Except when I call in sick, I know I'm lying.
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I get so happy when I write a joke. It's a very satisfying, liberating feeling.
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Men don't mature. Marry a younger one.
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I just don't get cats. To me, they're a waste of fur.
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Men accept compliments much better than women do. Example: Mitch, you look great. Mitch: Thanks. On the other side: Ruth, you look great. Ruth: I do? Must be the lighting.
Rita Rudner
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I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself well, that's not going to happen
Rita Rudner