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A saleslady holds up an ugly dress and says, 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Much
Dress
Dresses
Ugly
Clothes
Says
Fire
Better
Looks
Holds

More quotes by Rita Rudner

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Not one man in a beer commercial has a beerbelly.
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Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?
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I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.
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The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him
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After you've dated someone it should be legal to stamp them with what's wrong with them so the next person doesn't have to start from scratch.
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Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
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I burned sixty calories. That should take care of a peanut I had in 1962.
Rita Rudner
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I was a ballerina. I had to quit after I injured a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.
Rita Rudner
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Why are women wearing perfumes that smell like flowers to attract men? Men don't like flowers. I have a great idea for a scent that will attract men - how about New Car Interior?
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If I say a joke and the audience laughs it makes me feel good.
Rita Rudner
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Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in.
Rita Rudner
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To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'
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Women take clothing much more seriously than men. I've never seen a man walk into a party and say Oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed get me out of here. There's another man wearing a black tuxedo.
Rita Rudner
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My father watched football with the sound off because he lived in fear of hearing the voice of Howard Cosell.
Rita Rudner
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Only men who have worn a ski suit understand how complicated it is for a woman to go to the bathroom when she's wearing a jumpsuit.
Rita Rudner
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I don't like when there's too much conversation because I'm shy and it makes me uncomfortable.
Rita Rudner
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We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet.
Rita Rudner
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I want to have young children although my mother and father are even now young sufficient to just take care of them.
Rita Rudner
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I don't look back. I'm like a shark - I only look forward.
Rita Rudner
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When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.
Rita Rudner