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My father watched football with the sound off because he lived in fear of hearing the voice of Howard Cosell.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Hearing
Lived
Football
Sports
Sound
Voice
Fear
Howard
Father
Watched

More quotes by Rita Rudner

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Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.
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My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow.
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I don't think jogging is healthy, especially morning jogging. If morning joggers knew how tempting they looked to morning motorists, they would stay home and do sit-ups.
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I loved my mother very much, but she was not a good cook. Most turkeys taste better the day after my mother's tasted better the day before. In our house Thanksgiving was a time for sorrow.
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My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping.
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My cousin just got married for the totally wrong reasons. She married a man for money. She wasn't real subtle about it. Instead of calling him her fiancé, she kept calling him her financee.
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Never take candy from strangers.
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One of my first office jobs was cleaning the windows on brown envelopes.
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When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.
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Men hate to lose. I once beat my husband at tennis. I asked him, Are we going to have sex again? He said, Yes, but not with each other.
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I don't want to push the envelope. Let the envelope stay in the middle of the table. I'll just make you laugh.
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Most women are introspective: Am I in love? Am I emotionally and creatively fulfilled? Most men are outrospective: Did my team win? How's my car?
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I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don't know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I'll break up with someone on purpose.
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My father was never very friendly. When I was growing up, I thought the doorbell ringing was a signal to pretend you weren't home.
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The way a man looks at himself in a mirror will tell you if he can ever care about anyone else.
Rita Rudner
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Envy the kangaroo. That pouch setup is extraordinary the baby crawls out of the womb when it is about two inches long, gets into the pouch, and proceeds to mature. I'd have a baby if it would develop in my handbag.
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Thirty, I really like you but I still have to see other people.
Rita Rudner
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Be careful of men who are bald and rich the arrogance of rich usually cancels out the nice of bald.
Rita Rudner
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When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.
Rita Rudner
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Waiters and waitresses are becoming nicer and much more caring. I used to pay my check, they would say Thank you. That's now escalated into You care care of yourself, now. The other day I paid my check and the waiter said, Don't put off that mammogram.
Rita Rudner