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My father watched football with the sound off because he lived in fear of hearing the voice of Howard Cosell.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Sound
Voice
Fear
Howard
Father
Watched
Hearing
Lived
Football
Sports

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My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.
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I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them.
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Be careful of men who are bald and rich the arrogance of rich usually cancels out the nice of bald.
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Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times.
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Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?
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My parents were glad to see that my new husband looks like a 'regular guy'-no earring or anything. But really I think a man with an earring is better prepared for marriage. I mean, he's already experienced pain and bought jewelry.
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My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping.
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Men don't live well by themselves. They don't even live like people. They live like bears with furniture.
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My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.
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We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet.
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I suffer from peroxide phobia. Every time I've gotten near a blond woman, something of mine has disappeared. Jobs, boyfriends... one time an angora sweater leaped right off my body.
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I love to write jokes and that's all I think about.
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Not one man in a beer commercial has a beerbelly.
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Men don't mature. Marry a younger one.
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I don't think jogging is healthy, especially morning jogging. If morning joggers knew how tempting they looked to morning motorists, they would stay home and do sit-ups.
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I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.
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Men would like monogamy better if it sounded less like monotony.
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I have been doing leg lifts faithfully for about fifteen years, and the only thing that has gotten thinner is the carpet where I have been doing the leg lifts.
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No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary Grant is on record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant.
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When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.
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