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All men look at Dr. Ruth and wonder how she has gained all that sexual experience.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Sex
Wonder
Experience
Look
Looks
Men
Ruth
Gained
Sexual

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Women take clothing much more seriously than men. I've never seen a man walk into a party and say Oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed get me out of here. There's another man wearing a black tuxedo.
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An amicable divorce is like a ventilated condom it just doesn't work.
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You know the oxygen masks on airplanes? I don't think there's really any oxygen. I think they're just to muffle the screams.
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I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them.
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Men don't feel the urge to get married as quickly as women do because their clothes all button and zip in the front. Women's dresses usually button and zip in the back. We need men emotionally and sexually, but we also need men to help us get dressed.
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Men are brave enough to go to war, but they are not brave enough to get a bikini wax.
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Men do cry, but only when assembling furniture.
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Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?
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To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'
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How come when you mix water and flour together you get glue...and then you add eggs and sugar and you get cake? Where does the glue go?
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I have too many credit cards. You know what happened? Someone stole one and I didn't notice. I noticed when I got that bill. Whoa! It was so much less! I'm letting him keep it. I'm saving money!
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My cousin just got married for the totally wrong reasons. She married a man for money. She wasn't real subtle about it. Instead of calling him her fiancé, she kept calling him her financee.
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The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down.
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I had no desire to be a stand-up comic until I decided to do it.
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Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.
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The way a man looks at himself in a mirror will tell you if he can ever care about anyone else.
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I don't think jogging is healthy, especially morning jogging. If morning joggers knew how tempting they looked to morning motorists, they would stay home and do sit-ups.
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I hate learning through experience. Just once I'd like to learn something because someone was nice enough to tell me in advance.
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Most women are introspective: Am I in love? Am I emotionally and creatively fulfilled? Most men are outrospective: Did my team win? How's my car?
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Most turkeys taste better the day after my mother's tasted better the day before.
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