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Women take clothing much more seriously than men. I've never seen a man walk into a party and say Oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed get me out of here. There's another man wearing a black tuxedo.
Rita Rudner
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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Men
Party
Clothing
Funny
Embarrassed
Black
Wearing
Another
Seriously
Women
Walk
Take
Humor
Tuxedo
Much
Walks
Tuxedos
Never
Seen
Clothings
More quotes by Rita Rudner
All men think that they're nice guys. Some of them are not. Contact me for a list of names.
Rita Rudner
My cousin just got married for the totally wrong reasons. She married a man for money. She wasn't real subtle about it. Instead of calling him her fiancé, she kept calling him her financee.
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I get a lot of return business. I think it's all those years I put in traveling around the country people saw me before and had a good time so they want to see me again.
Rita Rudner
No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary Grant is on record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant.
Rita Rudner
My new dress. Do you like it? It's from my favorite designer, On Sale.
Rita Rudner
It takes six months to get into shape and two weeks to get out of shape. Once you know this you can stop being angry about other things in life and only be angry about this.
Rita Rudner
I don't want to push the envelope. Let the envelope stay in the middle of the table. I'll just make you laugh.
Rita Rudner
Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.
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I loved my mother very much, but she was not a good cook. Most turkeys taste better the day after my mother's tasted better the day before. In our house Thanksgiving was a time for sorrow.
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After you've dated someone it should be legal to stamp them with what's wrong with them so the next person doesn't have to start from scratch.
Rita Rudner
I never know what to get my father for his birthday. I gave him a hundred dollars and said, 'Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.' So he went out and bought a present for my mother.
Rita Rudner
My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.
Rita Rudner
Waiters and waitresses are becoming nicer and much more caring. I used to pay my check, they would say Thank you. That's now escalated into You care care of yourself, now. The other day I paid my check and the waiter said, Don't put off that mammogram.
Rita Rudner
Halloween was confusing. All my life my parents said, Never take candy from strangers. And then they dressed me up and said, Go beg for it. I didn't know what to do. I'd knock on people's doors and go, Trick or treat.
Rita Rudner
If your husband has difficulty getting to sleep, the words 'we need to talk about our relationship' may help.
Rita Rudner
Men who are going bald often wear baseball caps.
Rita Rudner
I suffer from peroxide phobia. Every time I've gotten near a blond woman, something of mine has disappeared. Jobs, boyfriends... one time an angora sweater leaped right off my body.
Rita Rudner
I had no desire to be a stand-up comic until I decided to do it.
Rita Rudner
I had the most boring office job in the world...I used to clean the windows on envelopes.
Rita Rudner
I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself well, that's not going to happen
Rita Rudner