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My new dress. Do you like it? It's from my favorite designer, On Sale.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Dresses
Favorite
Like
Sale
Designer
Dress

More quotes by Rita Rudner

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I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them.
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I don't think jogging is healthy, especially morning jogging. If morning joggers knew how tempting they looked to morning motorists, they would stay home and do sit-ups.
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Yes, I've now got this nice little apartment in New York, one of those L-shaped ones. Unfortunately, it's a lower case l.
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Envy the kangaroo. That pouch setup is extraordinary the baby crawls out of the womb when it is about two inches long, gets into the pouch, and proceeds to mature. I'd have a baby if it would develop in my handbag.
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Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.
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After you've dated someone it should be legal to stamp them with what's wrong with them so the next person doesn't have to start from scratch.
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I don't like when there's too much conversation because I'm shy and it makes me uncomfortable.
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When you're a dancer, you start with the basics. You don't all of a sudden do a grand jete and pirouette. You start with first position, second, third.
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Going out to eat is expensive. I was out at one restaurant and they didn't have prices on the menu. Just faces with different expressions of horror.
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If I say a joke and the audience laughs it makes me feel good.
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All men look at Dr. Ruth and wonder how she has gained all that sexual experience.
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Los Angeles is a very transient town. It's the only place I know where you can actually rent a dog.
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A saleslady holds up an ugly dress and says, 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?
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I don't want to push the envelope. Let the envelope stay in the middle of the table. I'll just make you laugh.
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My Vegas act is how I make my money.
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Men don't live well by themselves. They don't even live like people. They live like bears with furniture.
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My parents were glad to see that my new husband looks like a 'regular guy'-no earring or anything. But really I think a man with an earring is better prepared for marriage. I mean, he's already experienced pain and bought jewelry.
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I have too many credit cards. You know what happened? Someone stole one and I didn't notice. I noticed when I got that bill. Whoa! It was so much less! I'm letting him keep it. I'm saving money!
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Halloween was confusing. All my life my parents said, Never take candy from strangers. And then they dressed me up and said, Go beg for it. I didn't know what to do. I'd knock on people's doors and go, Trick or treat.
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Not one man in a beer commercial has a beerbelly.
Rita Rudner