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My new dress. Do you like it? It's from my favorite designer, On Sale.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Dresses
Favorite
Like
Sale
Designer
Dress

More quotes by Rita Rudner

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Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.
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I had the most boring office job in the world...I used to clean the windows on envelopes.
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When you're a dancer, you start with the basics. You don't all of a sudden do a grand jete and pirouette. You start with first position, second, third.
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I have too many credit cards. You know what happened? Someone stole one and I didn't notice. I noticed when I got that bill. Whoa! It was so much less! I'm letting him keep it. I'm saving money!
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My father watched football with the sound off because he lived in fear of hearing the voice of Howard Cosell.
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You know the oxygen masks on airplanes? I don't think there's really any oxygen. I think they're just to muffle the screams.
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I adore being hitched. It's so extraordinary to discover one unique individual you need to irritate for whatever remains of your life.
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Men don't live well by themselves. They don't even live like people. They live like bears with furniture.
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I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them.
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Why are women wearing perfumes that smell like flowers to attract men? Men don't like flowers. I have a great idea for a scent that will attract men - how about New Car Interior?
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The way a man looks at himself in a mirror will tell you if he can ever care about anyone else.
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One of my first office jobs was cleaning the windows on brown envelopes.
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A saleslady holds up an ugly dress and says, 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?
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I don't look back. I'm like a shark - I only look forward.
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There are different kinds of humor, some is sarcastic, some introspective. Introspective fit my personality better.
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My cousin just got married for the totally wrong reasons. She married a man for money. She wasn't real subtle about it. Instead of calling him her fiancé, she kept calling him her financee.
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Los Angeles is a very transient town. It's the only place I know where you can actually rent a dog.
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Envy the kangaroo. That pouch setup is extraordinary the baby crawls out of the womb when it is about two inches long, gets into the pouch, and proceeds to mature. I'd have a baby if it would develop in my handbag.
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I hate learning through experience. Just once I'd like to learn something because someone was nice enough to tell me in advance.
Rita Rudner
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Life is tough enough without having someone kick you from the inside.
Rita Rudner