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Yes, I've now got this nice little apartment in New York, one of those L-shaped ones. Unfortunately, it's a lower case l.
Rita Rudner
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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Little
Case
York
Ones
Humor
Cases
Shaped
Nice
Apartment
Funny
Unfortunately
Littles
Lower
More quotes by Rita Rudner
If I say a joke and the audience laughs it makes me feel good.
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My new dress. Do you like it? It's from my favorite designer, On Sale.
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Men do not like to admit to even momentary imperfection. My husband forgot the code to turn off the alarm. When the police came, he wouldn't admit he'd forgotten the code... he turned himself in.
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An amicable divorce is like a ventilated condom it just doesn't work.
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Men who listen to classical music tend not to spit.
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I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.
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My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.
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If you like easygoing, monogamous men, stay away from billionaires.
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I was a ballerina. I had to quit after I injured a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.
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I never know what to get my father for his birthday. I gave him a hundred dollars and said, 'Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.' So he went out and bought a present for my mother.
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Men do cry, but only when assembling furniture.
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After you've dated someone it should be legal to stamp them with what's wrong with them so the next person doesn't have to start from scratch.
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Envy the kangaroo. That pouch setup is extraordinary the baby crawls out of the womb when it is about two inches long, gets into the pouch, and proceeds to mature. I'd have a baby if it would develop in my handbag.
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One of my first office jobs was cleaning the windows on brown envelopes.
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Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with super-heroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.
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Most women are introspective: Am I in love? Am I emotionally and creatively fulfilled? Most men are outrospective: Did my team win? How's my car?
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Only men who have worn a ski suit understand how complicated it is for a woman to go to the bathroom when she's wearing a jumpsuit.
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My Vegas act is how I make my money.
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I hate learning through experience. Just once I'd like to learn something because someone was nice enough to tell me in advance.
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Why are women wearing perfumes that smell like flowers to attract men? Men don't like flowers. I have a great idea for a scent that will attract men - how about New Car Interior?
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