Quote

I never know what to get my father for his birthday. I gave him a hundred dollars and said, 'Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.' So he went out and bought a present for my mother.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Never
Easier
Life
Present
Bought
Went
Birthday
Funny
Dollars
Father
Gave
Mother
Birth
Something
Hundred
Make
Humor

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All men look at Dr. Ruth and wonder how she has gained all that sexual experience.
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I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them.
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My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.
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Be careful of men who are bald and rich the arrogance of rich usually cancels out the nice of bald.
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One of my first office jobs was cleaning the windows on brown envelopes.
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I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself well, that's not going to happen
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I had no desire to be a stand-up comic until I decided to do it.
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I was a ballerina. I had to quit after I injured a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.
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Men would like monogamy better if it sounded less like monotony.
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Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
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I don't look back. I'm like a shark - I only look forward.
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How come when you mix water and flour together you get glue...and then you add eggs and sugar and you get cake? Where does the glue go?
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Halloween was confusing. All my life my parents said, Never take candy from strangers. And then they dressed me up and said, Go beg for it. I didn't know what to do. I'd knock on people's doors and go, Trick or treat.
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I want to have young children although my mother and father are even now young sufficient to just take care of them.
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I suffer from peroxide phobia. Every time I've gotten near a blond woman, something of mine has disappeared. Jobs, boyfriends... one time an angora sweater leaped right off my body.
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Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.
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Men do not like to admit to even momentary imperfection. My husband forgot the code to turn off the alarm. When the police came, he wouldn't admit he'd forgotten the code... he turned himself in.
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Thirty, I really like you but I still have to see other people.
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Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?
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