Quote

I never know what to get my father for his birthday. I gave him a hundred dollars and said, 'Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.' So he went out and bought a present for my mother.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Something
Hundred
Make
Humor
Never
Easier
Life
Present
Bought
Went
Birthday
Funny
Dollars
Father
Gave
Mother
Birth

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Men do not like to admit to even momentary imperfection. My husband forgot the code to turn off the alarm. When the police came, he wouldn't admit he'd forgotten the code... he turned himself in.
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You know it's love when you want to keep holding hands even after you're sweaty.
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I love to write jokes and that's all I think about.
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I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them.
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Men accept compliments much better than women do. Example: Mitch, you look great. Mitch: Thanks. On the other side: Ruth, you look great. Ruth: I do? Must be the lighting.
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Men don't live well by themselves. They don't even live like people. They live like bears with furniture.
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You know the oxygen masks on airplanes? I don't think there's really any oxygen. I think they're just to muffle the screams.
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All men think that they're nice guys. Some of them are not. Contact me for a list of names.
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I don't like when there's too much conversation because I'm shy and it makes me uncomfortable.
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If I say a joke and the audience laughs it makes me feel good.
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It takes six months to get into shape and two weeks to get out of shape. Once you know this you can stop being angry about other things in life and only be angry about this.
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Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.
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I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don't know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I'll break up with someone on purpose.
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Going out to eat is expensive. I was out at one restaurant and they didn't have prices on the menu. Just faces with different expressions of horror.
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I had no desire to be a stand-up comic until I decided to do it.
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I don't look back. I'm like a shark - I only look forward.
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I don't think jogging is healthy, especially morning jogging. If morning joggers knew how tempting they looked to morning motorists, they would stay home and do sit-ups.
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I adore being hitched. It's so extraordinary to discover one unique individual you need to irritate for whatever remains of your life.
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Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times.
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To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'
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