Quote

I never know what to get my father for his birthday. I gave him a hundred dollars and said, 'Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.' So he went out and bought a present for my mother.

Rita Rudner

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Funny
Dollars
Father
Gave
Mother
Birth
Something
Hundred
Make
Humor
Never
Easier
Life
Present
Bought
Went
Birthday

More quotes by Rita Rudner

Image
Men would like monogamy better if it sounded less like monotony.
Rita Rudner
Image
I work for myself, which is fun. Except when I call in sick, I know I'm lying.
Rita Rudner
Image
My cousin just got married for the totally wrong reasons. She married a man for money. She wasn't real subtle about it. Instead of calling him her fiancé, she kept calling him her financee.
Rita Rudner
Image
Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
Rita Rudner
Image
Men have an easier time buying bathing suits. Women have two types: depressing and more depressing. Men have two types: nerdy and not nerdy.
Rita Rudner
Image
How come when you mix water and flour together you get glue...and then you add eggs and sugar and you get cake? Where does the glue go?
Rita Rudner
Image
Thirty, I really like you but I still have to see other people.
Rita Rudner
Image
Wives are people who think it's against the law not to answer the phone when it rings.
Rita Rudner
Image
I was a ballerina. I had to quit after I injured a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.
Rita Rudner
Image
I had the most boring office job in the world...I used to clean the windows on envelopes.
Rita Rudner
Image
Men do cry, but only when assembling furniture.
Rita Rudner
Image
I hate learning through experience. Just once I'd like to learn something because someone was nice enough to tell me in advance.
Rita Rudner
Image
Individuality in dressing is not important to men. If they all look alike it means they haven't made a mistake.
Rita Rudner
Image
There are different kinds of humor, some is sarcastic, some introspective. Introspective fit my personality better.
Rita Rudner
Image
One of my first office jobs was cleaning the windows on brown envelopes.
Rita Rudner
Image
Women take clothing much more seriously than men. I've never seen a man walk into a party and say Oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed get me out of here. There's another man wearing a black tuxedo.
Rita Rudner
Image
I don't look back. I'm like a shark - I only look forward.
Rita Rudner
Image
I want to have young children although my mother and father are even now young sufficient to just take care of them.
Rita Rudner
Image
I adore being hitched. It's so extraordinary to discover one unique individual you need to irritate for whatever remains of your life.
Rita Rudner
Image
Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.
Rita Rudner