Quote

I never know what to get my father for his birthday. I gave him a hundred dollars and said, 'Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.' So he went out and bought a present for my mother.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Something
Hundred
Make
Humor
Never
Easier
Life
Present
Bought
Went
Birthday
Funny
Dollars
Father
Gave
Mother
Birth

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I just don't get cats. To me, they're a waste of fur.
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Thirty, I really like you but I still have to see other people.
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Only men who have worn a ski suit understand how complicated it is for a woman to go to the bathroom when she's wearing a jumpsuit.
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No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary Grant is on record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant.
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After you've dated someone it should be legal to stamp them with what's wrong with them so the next person doesn't have to start from scratch.
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Yes, I've now got this nice little apartment in New York, one of those L-shaped ones. Unfortunately, it's a lower case l.
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Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.
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I want to have young children although my mother and father are even now young sufficient to just take care of them.
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Life is tough enough without having someone kick you from the inside.
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Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?
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How come when you mix water and flour together you get glue...and then you add eggs and sugar and you get cake? Where does the glue go?
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Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
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Wives are people who think it's against the law not to answer the phone when it rings.
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An amicable divorce is like a ventilated condom it just doesn't work.
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Men who are going bald often wear baseball caps.
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