Quote

I never know what to get my father for his birthday. I gave him a hundred dollars and said, 'Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.' So he went out and bought a present for my mother.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Something
Hundred
Make
Humor
Never
Easier
Life
Present
Bought
Went
Birthday
Funny
Dollars
Father
Gave
Mother
Birth

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Men would like monogamy better if it sounded less like monotony.
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Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
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I hate learning through experience. Just once I'd like to learn something because someone was nice enough to tell me in advance.
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I had no desire to be a stand-up comic until I decided to do it.
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A saleslady holds up an ugly dress and says, 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?
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The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down.
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Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?
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No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary Grant is on record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant.
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The way a man looks at himself in a mirror will tell you if he can ever care about anyone else.
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I don't look back. I'm like a shark - I only look forward.
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Why are women wearing perfumes that smell like flowers to attract men? Men don't like flowers. I have a great idea for a scent that will attract men - how about New Car Interior?
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I don't think jogging is healthy, especially morning jogging. If morning joggers knew how tempting they looked to morning motorists, they would stay home and do sit-ups.
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Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?
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My father was never very friendly. When I was growing up, I thought the doorbell ringing was a signal to pretend you weren't home.
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When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.
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