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It takes six months to get into shape and two weeks to get out of shape. Once you know this you can stop being angry about other things in life and only be angry about this.
Rita Rudner
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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Angry
Months
Week
Takes
Stop
Weeks
Two
Shape
Things
Six
Life
Shapes
More quotes by Rita Rudner
Never take candy from strangers.
Rita Rudner
Men do not like to admit to even momentary imperfection. My husband forgot the code to turn off the alarm. When the police came, he wouldn't admit he'd forgotten the code... he turned himself in.
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If you like easygoing, monogamous men, stay away from billionaires.
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The way a man looks at himself in a mirror will tell you if he can ever care about anyone else.
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I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don't know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I'll break up with someone on purpose.
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One of my first office jobs was cleaning the windows on brown envelopes.
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Men own basketball teams. Every year cheerleaders' outfits get tighter and briefer, and players' shorts get baggier and longer.
Rita Rudner
After you've dated someone it should be legal to stamp them with what's wrong with them so the next person doesn't have to start from scratch.
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Thirty, I really like you but I still have to see other people.
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A saleslady holds up an ugly dress and says, 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?
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Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.
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I burned sixty calories. That should take care of a peanut I had in 1962.
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Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
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My Vegas act is how I make my money.
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Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.
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Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with super-heroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.
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A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.
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Men do cry, but only when assembling furniture.
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My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.
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Men have an easier time buying bathing suits. Women have two types: depressing and more depressing. Men have two types: nerdy and not nerdy.
Rita Rudner