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I have been doing leg lifts faithfully for about fifteen years, and the only thing that has gotten thinner is the carpet where I have been doing the leg lifts.
Rita Rudner
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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Lifts
Gotten
Legs
Exercise
Thinner
Thing
Faithfully
Years
Dieting
Carpet
Fifteen
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When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.
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I want to have young children although my mother and father are even now young sufficient to just take care of them.
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Wives are people who think it's against the law not to answer the phone when it rings.
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I adore being hitched. It's so extraordinary to discover one unique individual you need to irritate for whatever remains of your life.
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I never know what to get my father for his birthday. I gave him a hundred dollars and said, 'Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.' So he went out and bought a present for my mother.
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I was a ballerina. I had to quit after I injured a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.
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My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping.
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Envy the kangaroo. That pouch setup is extraordinary the baby crawls out of the womb when it is about two inches long, gets into the pouch, and proceeds to mature. I'd have a baby if it would develop in my handbag.
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A saleslady holds up an ugly dress and says, 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?
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Life is tough enough without having someone kick you from the inside.
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Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.
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Never take candy from strangers.
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To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'
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Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in.
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I had the most boring office job in the world...I used to clean the windows on envelopes.
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My father was never very friendly. When I was growing up, I thought the doorbell ringing was a signal to pretend you weren't home.
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Women take clothing much more seriously than men. I've never seen a man walk into a party and say Oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed get me out of here. There's another man wearing a black tuxedo.
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How come when you mix water and flour together you get glue...and then you add eggs and sugar and you get cake? Where does the glue go?
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No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary Grant is on record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant.
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You know the oxygen masks on airplanes? I don't think there's really any oxygen. I think they're just to muffle the screams.
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