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I have been doing leg lifts faithfully for about fifteen years, and the only thing that has gotten thinner is the carpet where I have been doing the leg lifts.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Thing
Faithfully
Years
Dieting
Carpet
Fifteen
Lifts
Gotten
Legs
Exercise
Thinner

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My parents were glad to see that my new husband looks like a 'regular guy'-no earring or anything. But really I think a man with an earring is better prepared for marriage. I mean, he's already experienced pain and bought jewelry.
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I never know what to get my father for his birthday. I gave him a hundred dollars and said, 'Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.' So he went out and bought a present for my mother.
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No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary Grant is on record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant.
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I don't like when there's too much conversation because I'm shy and it makes me uncomfortable.
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I suffer from peroxide phobia. Every time I've gotten near a blond woman, something of mine has disappeared. Jobs, boyfriends... one time an angora sweater leaped right off my body.
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Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
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Never take candy from strangers.
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Only men who have worn a ski suit understand how complicated it is for a woman to go to the bathroom when she's wearing a jumpsuit.
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When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she will assume she has gained weight. When a man tries something from his closet that feels tight, he will assume the clothing has shrunk.
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Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times.
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Waiters and waitresses are becoming nicer and much more caring. I used to pay my check, they would say Thank you. That's now escalated into You care care of yourself, now. The other day I paid my check and the waiter said, Don't put off that mammogram.
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I get so happy when I write a joke. It's a very satisfying, liberating feeling.
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My new dress. Do you like it? It's from my favorite designer, On Sale.
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The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him
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Life is tough enough without having someone kick you from the inside.
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I jogged for three miles once. It was the worst three hours of my life.
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