Quote

I have been doing leg lifts faithfully for about fifteen years, and the only thing that has gotten thinner is the carpet where I have been doing the leg lifts.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Carpet
Fifteen
Lifts
Gotten
Legs
Exercise
Thinner
Thing
Faithfully
Years
Dieting

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I'll never understand why people go to movie theaters to have conversations. Going to the movies to talk is like going to a restaurant to cook. The idea is that you have paid your money to have someone do something better than you can do it yourself.
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Not one man in a beer commercial has a beerbelly.
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Men hate to lose. I once beat my husband at tennis. I asked him, Are we going to have sex again? He said, Yes, but not with each other.
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I have too many credit cards. You know what happened? Someone stole one and I didn't notice. I noticed when I got that bill. Whoa! It was so much less! I'm letting him keep it. I'm saving money!
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A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.
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Be careful of men who are bald and rich the arrogance of rich usually cancels out the nice of bald.
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Most turkeys taste better the day after my mother's tasted better the day before.
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My Vegas act is how I make my money.
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No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary Grant is on record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant.
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Men do cry, but only when assembling furniture.
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Men don't live well by themselves. They don't even live like people. They live like bears with furniture.
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After you've dated someone it should be legal to stamp them with what's wrong with them so the next person doesn't have to start from scratch.
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Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with super-heroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.
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My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.
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Thirty, I really like you but I still have to see other people.
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I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.
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It takes six months to get into shape and two weeks to get out of shape. Once you know this you can stop being angry about other things in life and only be angry about this.
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When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she will assume she has gained weight. When a man tries something from his closet that feels tight, he will assume the clothing has shrunk.
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When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.
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I don't think jogging is healthy, especially morning jogging. If morning joggers knew how tempting they looked to morning motorists, they would stay home and do sit-ups.
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