Quote

You know the oxygen masks on airplanes? I don't think there's really any oxygen. I think they're just to muffle the screams.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Airplane
Scream
Mask
Funny
Muffle
Really
Screams
Think
Airplanes
Thinking
Masks
Oxygen

More quotes by Rita Rudner

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Men would like monogamy better if it sounded less like monotony.
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Life is tough enough without having someone kick you from the inside.
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Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.
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Most women are introspective: Am I in love? Am I emotionally and creatively fulfilled? Most men are outrospective: Did my team win? How's my car?
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We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet.
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I suffer from peroxide phobia. Every time I've gotten near a blond woman, something of mine has disappeared. Jobs, boyfriends... one time an angora sweater leaped right off my body.
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No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary Grant is on record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant.
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Men accept compliments much better than women do. Example: Mitch, you look great. Mitch: Thanks. On the other side: Ruth, you look great. Ruth: I do? Must be the lighting.
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Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?
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Envy the kangaroo. That pouch setup is extraordinary the baby crawls out of the womb when it is about two inches long, gets into the pouch, and proceeds to mature. I'd have a baby if it would develop in my handbag.
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My Vegas act is how I make my money.
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Men who are going bald often wear baseball caps.
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Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.
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Men have an easier time buying bathing suits. Women have two types: depressing and more depressing. Men have two types: nerdy and not nerdy.
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I had the most boring office job in the world...I used to clean the windows on envelopes.
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Men don't feel the urge to get married as quickly as women do because their clothes all button and zip in the front. Women's dresses usually button and zip in the back. We need men emotionally and sexually, but we also need men to help us get dressed.
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Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.
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My parents were glad to see that my new husband looks like a 'regular guy'-no earring or anything. But really I think a man with an earring is better prepared for marriage. I mean, he's already experienced pain and bought jewelry.
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Thirty, I really like you but I still have to see other people.
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I love to write jokes and that's all I think about.
Rita Rudner