Quote

You know the oxygen masks on airplanes? I don't think there's really any oxygen. I think they're just to muffle the screams.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Think
Airplanes
Thinking
Masks
Oxygen
Airplane
Scream
Mask
Funny
Muffle
Really
Screams

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I have been doing leg lifts faithfully for about fifteen years, and the only thing that has gotten thinner is the carpet where I have been doing the leg lifts.
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I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.
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Los Angeles is a very transient town. It's the only place I know where you can actually rent a dog.
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All men look at Dr. Ruth and wonder how she has gained all that sexual experience.
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Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times.
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Most turkeys taste better the day after my mother's tasted better the day before.
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One of my first office jobs was cleaning the windows on brown envelopes.
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There are different kinds of humor, some is sarcastic, some introspective. Introspective fit my personality better.
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Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?
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Men don't feel the urge to get married as quickly as women do because their clothes all button and zip in the front. Women's dresses usually button and zip in the back. We need men emotionally and sexually, but we also need men to help us get dressed.
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Not one man in a beer commercial has a beerbelly.
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Men would like monogamy better if it sounded less like monotony.
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I don't look back. I'm like a shark - I only look forward.
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I don't want to push the envelope. Let the envelope stay in the middle of the table. I'll just make you laugh.
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Going out to eat is expensive. I was out at one restaurant and they didn't have prices on the menu. Just faces with different expressions of horror.
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How come when you mix water and flour together you get glue...and then you add eggs and sugar and you get cake? Where does the glue go?
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My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow.
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After you've dated someone it should be legal to stamp them with what's wrong with them so the next person doesn't have to start from scratch.
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I jogged for three miles once. It was the worst three hours of my life.
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I get so happy when I write a joke. It's a very satisfying, liberating feeling.
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