Quote

You know the oxygen masks on airplanes? I don't think there's really any oxygen. I think they're just to muffle the screams.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Airplane
Scream
Mask
Funny
Muffle
Really
Screams
Think
Airplanes
Thinking
Masks
Oxygen

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Waiters and waitresses are becoming nicer and much more caring. I used to pay my check, they would say Thank you. That's now escalated into You care care of yourself, now. The other day I paid my check and the waiter said, Don't put off that mammogram.
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I want to have young children although my mother and father are even now young sufficient to just take care of them.
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I loved my mother very much, but she was not a good cook. Most turkeys taste better the day after my mother's tasted better the day before. In our house Thanksgiving was a time for sorrow.
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You know it's love when you want to keep holding hands even after you're sweaty.
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I had no desire to be a stand-up comic until I decided to do it.
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The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down.
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Envy the kangaroo. That pouch setup is extraordinary the baby crawls out of the womb when it is about two inches long, gets into the pouch, and proceeds to mature. I'd have a baby if it would develop in my handbag.
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I jogged for three miles once. It was the worst three hours of my life.
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Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with super-heroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.
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Wives are people who think it's against the law not to answer the phone when it rings.
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I just don't get cats. To me, they're a waste of fur.
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I get so happy when I write a joke. It's a very satisfying, liberating feeling.
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Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
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Men own basketball teams. Every year cheerleaders' outfits get tighter and briefer, and players' shorts get baggier and longer.
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Why are women wearing perfumes that smell like flowers to attract men? Men don't like flowers. I have a great idea for a scent that will attract men - how about New Car Interior?
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When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she will assume she has gained weight. When a man tries something from his closet that feels tight, he will assume the clothing has shrunk.
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A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.
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It takes six months to get into shape and two weeks to get out of shape. Once you know this you can stop being angry about other things in life and only be angry about this.
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Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.
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I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them.
Rita Rudner