Quote

You know the oxygen masks on airplanes? I don't think there's really any oxygen. I think they're just to muffle the screams.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Really
Screams
Think
Airplanes
Thinking
Masks
Oxygen
Airplane
Scream
Mask
Funny
Muffle

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Life is tough enough without having someone kick you from the inside.
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To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'
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There are different kinds of humor, some is sarcastic, some introspective. Introspective fit my personality better.
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Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.
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When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.
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Men don't feel the urge to get married as quickly as women do because their clothes all button and zip in the front. Women's dresses usually button and zip in the back. We need men emotionally and sexually, but we also need men to help us get dressed.
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I suffer from peroxide phobia. Every time I've gotten near a blond woman, something of mine has disappeared. Jobs, boyfriends... one time an angora sweater leaped right off my body.
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Halloween was confusing. All my life my parents said, Never take candy from strangers. And then they dressed me up and said, Go beg for it. I didn't know what to do. I'd knock on people's doors and go, Trick or treat.
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Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.
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I don't like when there's too much conversation because I'm shy and it makes me uncomfortable.
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Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.
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I get so happy when I write a joke. It's a very satisfying, liberating feeling.
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I adore being hitched. It's so extraordinary to discover one unique individual you need to irritate for whatever remains of your life.
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When you're a dancer, you start with the basics. You don't all of a sudden do a grand jete and pirouette. You start with first position, second, third.
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Los Angeles is a very transient town. It's the only place I know where you can actually rent a dog.
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I burned sixty calories. That should take care of a peanut I had in 1962.
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I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them.
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Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in.
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How come when you mix water and flour together you get glue...and then you add eggs and sugar and you get cake? Where does the glue go?
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I had no desire to be a stand-up comic until I decided to do it.
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