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You know the oxygen masks on airplanes? I don't think there's really any oxygen. I think they're just to muffle the screams.
Rita Rudner
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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Really
Screams
Think
Airplanes
Thinking
Masks
Oxygen
Airplane
Scream
Mask
Funny
Muffle
More quotes by Rita Rudner
Why are women wearing perfumes that smell like flowers to attract men? Men don't like flowers. I have a great idea for a scent that will attract men - how about New Car Interior?
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I get a lot of return business. I think it's all those years I put in traveling around the country people saw me before and had a good time so they want to see me again.
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I burned sixty calories. That should take care of a peanut I had in 1962.
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I get so happy when I write a joke. It's a very satisfying, liberating feeling.
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Not one man in a beer commercial has a beerbelly.
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Men accept compliments much better than women do. Example: Mitch, you look great. Mitch: Thanks. On the other side: Ruth, you look great. Ruth: I do? Must be the lighting.
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If your husband has difficulty getting to sleep, the words 'we need to talk about our relationship' may help.
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I have too many credit cards. You know what happened? Someone stole one and I didn't notice. I noticed when I got that bill. Whoa! It was so much less! I'm letting him keep it. I'm saving money!
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If you like easygoing, monogamous men, stay away from billionaires.
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I want to have young children although my mother and father are even now young sufficient to just take care of them.
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Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.
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Waiters and waitresses are becoming nicer and much more caring. I used to pay my check, they would say Thank you. That's now escalated into You care care of yourself, now. The other day I paid my check and the waiter said, Don't put off that mammogram.
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Men don't live well by themselves. They don't even live like people. They live like bears with furniture.
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Thirty, I really like you but I still have to see other people.
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Yes, I've now got this nice little apartment in New York, one of those L-shaped ones. Unfortunately, it's a lower case l.
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We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet.
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I suffer from peroxide phobia. Every time I've gotten near a blond woman, something of mine has disappeared. Jobs, boyfriends... one time an angora sweater leaped right off my body.
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The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him
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Going out to eat is expensive. I was out at one restaurant and they didn't have prices on the menu. Just faces with different expressions of horror.
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Most turkeys taste better the day after my mother's tasted better the day before.
Rita Rudner