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You know the oxygen masks on airplanes? I don't think there's really any oxygen. I think they're just to muffle the screams.
Rita Rudner
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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Thinking
Masks
Oxygen
Airplane
Scream
Mask
Funny
Muffle
Really
Screams
Think
Airplanes
More quotes by Rita Rudner
I jogged for three miles once. It was the worst three hours of my life.
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I just don't get cats. To me, they're a waste of fur.
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Los Angeles is a very transient town. It's the only place I know where you can actually rent a dog.
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Men have an easier time buying bathing suits. Women have two types: depressing and more depressing. Men have two types: nerdy and not nerdy.
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If you like easygoing, monogamous men, stay away from billionaires.
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When you're a dancer, you start with the basics. You don't all of a sudden do a grand jete and pirouette. You start with first position, second, third.
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My parents were glad to see that my new husband looks like a 'regular guy'-no earring or anything. But really I think a man with an earring is better prepared for marriage. I mean, he's already experienced pain and bought jewelry.
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When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.
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The way a man looks at himself in a mirror will tell you if he can ever care about anyone else.
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Individuality in dressing is not important to men. If they all look alike it means they haven't made a mistake.
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I don't look back. I'm like a shark - I only look forward.
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Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.
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All men look at Dr. Ruth and wonder how she has gained all that sexual experience.
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Men would like monogamy better if it sounded less like monotony.
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Men who listen to classical music tend not to spit.
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I don't want to push the envelope. Let the envelope stay in the middle of the table. I'll just make you laugh.
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Women take clothing much more seriously than men. I've never seen a man walk into a party and say Oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed get me out of here. There's another man wearing a black tuxedo.
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When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she will assume she has gained weight. When a man tries something from his closet that feels tight, he will assume the clothing has shrunk.
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Halloween was confusing. All my life my parents said, Never take candy from strangers. And then they dressed me up and said, Go beg for it. I didn't know what to do. I'd knock on people's doors and go, Trick or treat.
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Men are brave enough to go to war, but they are not brave enough to get a bikini wax.
Rita Rudner