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Never take candy from strangers.
Rita Rudner
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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Halloween
Strangers
Candy
Stranger
Take
Never
More quotes by Rita Rudner
All men look at Dr. Ruth and wonder how she has gained all that sexual experience.
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I work for myself, which is fun. Except when I call in sick, I know I'm lying.
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When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she will assume she has gained weight. When a man tries something from his closet that feels tight, he will assume the clothing has shrunk.
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Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?
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Waiters and waitresses are becoming nicer and much more caring. I used to pay my check, they would say Thank you. That's now escalated into You care care of yourself, now. The other day I paid my check and the waiter said, Don't put off that mammogram.
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You know it's love when you want to keep holding hands even after you're sweaty.
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Halloween was confusing. All my life my parents said, Never take candy from strangers. And then they dressed me up and said, Go beg for it. I didn't know what to do. I'd knock on people's doors and go, Trick or treat.
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Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in.
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I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them.
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Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.
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Yes, I've now got this nice little apartment in New York, one of those L-shaped ones. Unfortunately, it's a lower case l.
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To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'
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Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.
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Men don't mature. Marry a younger one.
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Wives are people who think it's against the law not to answer the phone when it rings.
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One of my first office jobs was cleaning the windows on brown envelopes.
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I adore being hitched. It's so extraordinary to discover one unique individual you need to irritate for whatever remains of your life.
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The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him
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The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down.
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I had no desire to be a stand-up comic until I decided to do it.
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