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Never take candy from strangers.
Rita Rudner
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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Never
Halloween
Strangers
Candy
Stranger
Take
More quotes by Rita Rudner
I was a ballerina. I had to quit after I injured a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.
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I don't look back. I'm like a shark - I only look forward.
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The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him
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I had no desire to be a stand-up comic until I decided to do it.
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Men do not like to admit to even momentary imperfection. My husband forgot the code to turn off the alarm. When the police came, he wouldn't admit he'd forgotten the code... he turned himself in.
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A saleslady holds up an ugly dress and says, 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?
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I don't like when there's too much conversation because I'm shy and it makes me uncomfortable.
Rita Rudner
Going out to eat is expensive. I was out at one restaurant and they didn't have prices on the menu. Just faces with different expressions of horror.
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I love to write jokes and that's all I think about.
Rita Rudner
Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?
Rita Rudner
Men don't live well by themselves. They don't even live like people. They live like bears with furniture.
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Men don't mature. Marry a younger one.
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My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.
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Life is tough enough without having someone kick you from the inside.
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I have too many credit cards. You know what happened? Someone stole one and I didn't notice. I noticed when I got that bill. Whoa! It was so much less! I'm letting him keep it. I'm saving money!
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One of my first office jobs was cleaning the windows on brown envelopes.
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Thirty, I really like you but I still have to see other people.
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A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.
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I don't want to push the envelope. Let the envelope stay in the middle of the table. I'll just make you laugh.
Rita Rudner
My parents were glad to see that my new husband looks like a 'regular guy'-no earring or anything. But really I think a man with an earring is better prepared for marriage. I mean, he's already experienced pain and bought jewelry.
Rita Rudner