Quote

I work for myself, which is fun. Except when I call in sick, I know I'm lying.

Rita Rudner

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Work
Sick
Except
Fun
Call
Lying

More quotes by Rita Rudner

Image
I never know what to get my father for his birthday. I gave him a hundred dollars and said, 'Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.' So he went out and bought a present for my mother.
Rita Rudner
Image
An amicable divorce is like a ventilated condom it just doesn't work.
Rita Rudner
Image
Men do not like to admit to even momentary imperfection. My husband forgot the code to turn off the alarm. When the police came, he wouldn't admit he'd forgotten the code... he turned himself in.
Rita Rudner
Image
Men don't mature. Marry a younger one.
Rita Rudner
Image
Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.
Rita Rudner
Image
There are different kinds of humor, some is sarcastic, some introspective. Introspective fit my personality better.
Rita Rudner
Image
You know it's love when you want to keep holding hands even after you're sweaty.
Rita Rudner
Image
When you're a dancer, you start with the basics. You don't all of a sudden do a grand jete and pirouette. You start with first position, second, third.
Rita Rudner
Image
If I say a joke and the audience laughs it makes me feel good.
Rita Rudner
Image
Men hate to lose. I once beat my husband at tennis. I asked him, Are we going to have sex again? He said, Yes, but not with each other.
Rita Rudner
Image
Men who are going bald often wear baseball caps.
Rita Rudner
Image
When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.
Rita Rudner
Image
A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.
Rita Rudner
Image
My Vegas act is how I make my money.
Rita Rudner
Image
I jogged for three miles once. It was the worst three hours of my life.
Rita Rudner
Image
Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.
Rita Rudner
Image
The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him
Rita Rudner
Image
Men do cry, but only when assembling furniture.
Rita Rudner
Image
Why are women wearing perfumes that smell like flowers to attract men? Men don't like flowers. I have a great idea for a scent that will attract men - how about New Car Interior?
Rita Rudner
Image
I don't like when there's too much conversation because I'm shy and it makes me uncomfortable.
Rita Rudner