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I work for myself, which is fun. Except when I call in sick, I know I'm lying.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Lying
Work
Sick
Except
Fun
Call

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An amicable divorce is like a ventilated condom it just doesn't work.
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I just don't get cats. To me, they're a waste of fur.
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A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.
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All men think that they're nice guys. Some of them are not. Contact me for a list of names.
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My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.
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Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.
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The way a man looks at himself in a mirror will tell you if he can ever care about anyone else.
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I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.
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I don't think jogging is healthy, especially morning jogging. If morning joggers knew how tempting they looked to morning motorists, they would stay home and do sit-ups.
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The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him
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Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.
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I hate learning through experience. Just once I'd like to learn something because someone was nice enough to tell me in advance.
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My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping.
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A saleslady holds up an ugly dress and says, 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?
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When you're a dancer, you start with the basics. You don't all of a sudden do a grand jete and pirouette. You start with first position, second, third.
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Going out to eat is expensive. I was out at one restaurant and they didn't have prices on the menu. Just faces with different expressions of horror.
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I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them.
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The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down.
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Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?
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I don't look back. I'm like a shark - I only look forward.
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