Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
I burned sixty calories. That should take care of a peanut I had in 1962.
Rita Rudner
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Take
Peanuts
Calories
Sixty
Burned
Loss
Humor
Funny
Care
Peanut
More quotes by Rita Rudner
Why are women wearing perfumes that smell like flowers to attract men? Men don't like flowers. I have a great idea for a scent that will attract men - how about New Car Interior?
Rita Rudner
Men would like monogamy better if it sounded less like monotony.
Rita Rudner
I get so happy when I write a joke. It's a very satisfying, liberating feeling.
Rita Rudner
Men who listen to classical music tend not to spit.
Rita Rudner
I'll never understand why people go to movie theaters to have conversations. Going to the movies to talk is like going to a restaurant to cook. The idea is that you have paid your money to have someone do something better than you can do it yourself.
Rita Rudner
Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.
Rita Rudner
Halloween was confusing. All my life my parents said, Never take candy from strangers. And then they dressed me up and said, Go beg for it. I didn't know what to do. I'd knock on people's doors and go, Trick or treat.
Rita Rudner
I had no desire to be a stand-up comic until I decided to do it.
Rita Rudner
I jogged for three miles once. It was the worst three hours of my life.
Rita Rudner
My parents were glad to see that my new husband looks like a 'regular guy'-no earring or anything. But really I think a man with an earring is better prepared for marriage. I mean, he's already experienced pain and bought jewelry.
Rita Rudner
When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.
Rita Rudner
My father was never very friendly. When I was growing up, I thought the doorbell ringing was a signal to pretend you weren't home.
Rita Rudner
I was a ballerina. I had to quit after I injured a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.
Rita Rudner
My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.
Rita Rudner
Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.
Rita Rudner
After you've dated someone it should be legal to stamp them with what's wrong with them so the next person doesn't have to start from scratch.
Rita Rudner
I don't want to push the envelope. Let the envelope stay in the middle of the table. I'll just make you laugh.
Rita Rudner
Envy the kangaroo. That pouch setup is extraordinary the baby crawls out of the womb when it is about two inches long, gets into the pouch, and proceeds to mature. I'd have a baby if it would develop in my handbag.
Rita Rudner
I want to have young children although my mother and father are even now young sufficient to just take care of them.
Rita Rudner
I have been doing leg lifts faithfully for about fifteen years, and the only thing that has gotten thinner is the carpet where I have been doing the leg lifts.
Rita Rudner
