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I have too many credit cards. You know what happened? Someone stole one and I didn't notice. I noticed when I got that bill. Whoa! It was so much less! I'm letting him keep it. I'm saving money!

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Didn
Cards
Someone
Saving
Many
Bills
Whoa
Much
Credit
Stole
Happened
Noticed
Less
Letting
Keep
Notice
Money
Bill

More quotes by Rita Rudner

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The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down.
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Men would like monogamy better if it sounded less like monotony.
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Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.
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A saleslady holds up an ugly dress and says, 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?
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My new dress. Do you like it? It's from my favorite designer, On Sale.
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You know the oxygen masks on airplanes? I don't think there's really any oxygen. I think they're just to muffle the screams.
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My father was never very friendly. When I was growing up, I thought the doorbell ringing was a signal to pretend you weren't home.
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I don't want to push the envelope. Let the envelope stay in the middle of the table. I'll just make you laugh.
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I have been doing leg lifts faithfully for about fifteen years, and the only thing that has gotten thinner is the carpet where I have been doing the leg lifts.
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All men think that they're nice guys. Some of them are not. Contact me for a list of names.
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My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.
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I had no desire to be a stand-up comic until I decided to do it.
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An amicable divorce is like a ventilated condom it just doesn't work.
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One of my first office jobs was cleaning the windows on brown envelopes.
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I never know what to get my father for his birthday. I gave him a hundred dollars and said, 'Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.' So he went out and bought a present for my mother.
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All men look at Dr. Ruth and wonder how she has gained all that sexual experience.
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Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.
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To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'
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When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.
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When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she will assume she has gained weight. When a man tries something from his closet that feels tight, he will assume the clothing has shrunk.
Rita Rudner