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I have too many credit cards. You know what happened? Someone stole one and I didn't notice. I noticed when I got that bill. Whoa! It was so much less! I'm letting him keep it. I'm saving money!

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Happened
Noticed
Less
Letting
Keep
Notice
Money
Bill
Didn
Cards
Saving
Someone
Bills
Whoa
Many
Credit
Stole
Much

More quotes by Rita Rudner

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I don't like when there's too much conversation because I'm shy and it makes me uncomfortable.
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A saleslady holds up an ugly dress and says, 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?
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Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
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Men do not like to admit to even momentary imperfection. My husband forgot the code to turn off the alarm. When the police came, he wouldn't admit he'd forgotten the code... he turned himself in.
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I want to have young children although my mother and father are even now young sufficient to just take care of them.
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My new dress. Do you like it? It's from my favorite designer, On Sale.
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Yes, I've now got this nice little apartment in New York, one of those L-shaped ones. Unfortunately, it's a lower case l.
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When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.
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Be careful of men who are bald and rich the arrogance of rich usually cancels out the nice of bald.
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I work for myself, which is fun. Except when I call in sick, I know I'm lying.
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Women take clothing much more seriously than men. I've never seen a man walk into a party and say Oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed get me out of here. There's another man wearing a black tuxedo.
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My Vegas act is how I make my money.
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Men are brave enough to go to war, but they are not brave enough to get a bikini wax.
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Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.
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We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet.
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I don't want to push the envelope. Let the envelope stay in the middle of the table. I'll just make you laugh.
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Halloween was confusing. All my life my parents said, Never take candy from strangers. And then they dressed me up and said, Go beg for it. I didn't know what to do. I'd knock on people's doors and go, Trick or treat.
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I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don't know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I'll break up with someone on purpose.
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My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow.
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All men think that they're nice guys. Some of them are not. Contact me for a list of names.
Rita Rudner