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Most turkeys taste better the day after my mother's tasted better the day before.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Taste
Mother
Better
Tasted
Turkeys
Sarcasm
Sarcastic
Dignity

More quotes by Rita Rudner

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Men would like monogamy better if it sounded less like monotony.
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I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them.
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Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times.
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My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.
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Men hate to lose. I once beat my husband at tennis. I asked him, Are we going to have sex again? He said, Yes, but not with each other.
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I love to write jokes and that's all I think about.
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I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.
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Los Angeles is a very transient town. It's the only place I know where you can actually rent a dog.
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Men don't feel the urge to get married as quickly as women do because their clothes all button and zip in the front. Women's dresses usually button and zip in the back. We need men emotionally and sexually, but we also need men to help us get dressed.
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My father was never very friendly. When I was growing up, I thought the doorbell ringing was a signal to pretend you weren't home.
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Only men who have worn a ski suit understand how complicated it is for a woman to go to the bathroom when she's wearing a jumpsuit.
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A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.
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Why are women wearing perfumes that smell like flowers to attract men? Men don't like flowers. I have a great idea for a scent that will attract men - how about New Car Interior?
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Life is tough enough without having someone kick you from the inside.
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My father watched football with the sound off because he lived in fear of hearing the voice of Howard Cosell.
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Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in.
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The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him
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Most women are introspective: Am I in love? Am I emotionally and creatively fulfilled? Most men are outrospective: Did my team win? How's my car?
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Men who listen to classical music tend not to spit.
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Men do not like to admit to even momentary imperfection. My husband forgot the code to turn off the alarm. When the police came, he wouldn't admit he'd forgotten the code... he turned himself in.
Rita Rudner