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Men do not like to admit to even momentary imperfection. My husband forgot the code to turn off the alarm. When the police came, he wouldn't admit he'd forgotten the code... he turned himself in.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Funny
Turned
Alarms
Even
Husband
Momentary
Men
Wouldn
Forgot
Like
Humor
Imperfection
Security
Admit
Turn
Code
Came
Police
Turns
Forgotten
Alarm

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Men have an easier time buying bathing suits. Women have two types: depressing and more depressing. Men have two types: nerdy and not nerdy.
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Going out to eat is expensive. I was out at one restaurant and they didn't have prices on the menu. Just faces with different expressions of horror.
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I hate learning through experience. Just once I'd like to learn something because someone was nice enough to tell me in advance.
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I'll never understand why people go to movie theaters to have conversations. Going to the movies to talk is like going to a restaurant to cook. The idea is that you have paid your money to have someone do something better than you can do it yourself.
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Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.
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I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself well, that's not going to happen
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I work for myself, which is fun. Except when I call in sick, I know I'm lying.
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Most women are introspective: Am I in love? Am I emotionally and creatively fulfilled? Most men are outrospective: Did my team win? How's my car?
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I get a lot of return business. I think it's all those years I put in traveling around the country people saw me before and had a good time so they want to see me again.
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I get so happy when I write a joke. It's a very satisfying, liberating feeling.
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Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?
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Yes, I've now got this nice little apartment in New York, one of those L-shaped ones. Unfortunately, it's a lower case l.
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Men who are going bald often wear baseball caps.
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Individuality in dressing is not important to men. If they all look alike it means they haven't made a mistake.
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I suffer from peroxide phobia. Every time I've gotten near a blond woman, something of mine has disappeared. Jobs, boyfriends... one time an angora sweater leaped right off my body.
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If I say a joke and the audience laughs it makes me feel good.
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When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.
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You know it's love when you want to keep holding hands even after you're sweaty.
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Envy the kangaroo. That pouch setup is extraordinary the baby crawls out of the womb when it is about two inches long, gets into the pouch, and proceeds to mature. I'd have a baby if it would develop in my handbag.
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Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.
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