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You know it's love when you want to keep holding hands even after you're sweaty.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Sweaty
Holding
Keep
Hands
Even
Love

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A saleslady holds up an ugly dress and says, 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?
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I adore being hitched. It's so extraordinary to discover one unique individual you need to irritate for whatever remains of your life.
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Men would like monogamy better if it sounded less like monotony.
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Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
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Halloween was confusing. All my life my parents said, Never take candy from strangers. And then they dressed me up and said, Go beg for it. I didn't know what to do. I'd knock on people's doors and go, Trick or treat.
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I jogged for three miles once. It was the worst three hours of my life.
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Yes, I've now got this nice little apartment in New York, one of those L-shaped ones. Unfortunately, it's a lower case l.
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When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she will assume she has gained weight. When a man tries something from his closet that feels tight, he will assume the clothing has shrunk.
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I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.
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I had the most boring office job in the world...I used to clean the windows on envelopes.
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I had no desire to be a stand-up comic until I decided to do it.
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It takes six months to get into shape and two weeks to get out of shape. Once you know this you can stop being angry about other things in life and only be angry about this.
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Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in.
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The way a man looks at himself in a mirror will tell you if he can ever care about anyone else.
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My new dress. Do you like it? It's from my favorite designer, On Sale.
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Most women are introspective: Am I in love? Am I emotionally and creatively fulfilled? Most men are outrospective: Did my team win? How's my car?
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My Vegas act is how I make my money.
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Men are brave enough to go to war, but they are not brave enough to get a bikini wax.
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Be careful of men who are bald and rich the arrogance of rich usually cancels out the nice of bald.
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My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.
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