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You know it's love when you want to keep holding hands even after you're sweaty.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Holding
Keep
Hands
Even
Love
Sweaty

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How come when you mix water and flour together you get glue...and then you add eggs and sugar and you get cake? Where does the glue go?
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Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?
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Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.
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All men think that they're nice guys. Some of them are not. Contact me for a list of names.
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Men who listen to classical music tend not to spit.
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Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.
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Individuality in dressing is not important to men. If they all look alike it means they haven't made a mistake.
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I hate learning through experience. Just once I'd like to learn something because someone was nice enough to tell me in advance.
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I have too many credit cards. You know what happened? Someone stole one and I didn't notice. I noticed when I got that bill. Whoa! It was so much less! I'm letting him keep it. I'm saving money!
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Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
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I had the most boring office job in the world...I used to clean the windows on envelopes.
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Men hate to lose. I once beat my husband at tennis. I asked him, Are we going to have sex again? He said, Yes, but not with each other.
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You know the oxygen masks on airplanes? I don't think there's really any oxygen. I think they're just to muffle the screams.
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I get so happy when I write a joke. It's a very satisfying, liberating feeling.
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Men don't feel the urge to get married as quickly as women do because their clothes all button and zip in the front. Women's dresses usually button and zip in the back. We need men emotionally and sexually, but we also need men to help us get dressed.
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The way a man looks at himself in a mirror will tell you if he can ever care about anyone else.
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I have been doing leg lifts faithfully for about fifteen years, and the only thing that has gotten thinner is the carpet where I have been doing the leg lifts.
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We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet.
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It takes six months to get into shape and two weeks to get out of shape. Once you know this you can stop being angry about other things in life and only be angry about this.
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My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.
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