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My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
House
Lousy
Mother
Thanksgiving
Time
Cook
Memorable
Cooks
Sorrow
Humor
Funny

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Men don't feel the urge to get married as quickly as women do because their clothes all button and zip in the front. Women's dresses usually button and zip in the back. We need men emotionally and sexually, but we also need men to help us get dressed.
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I love to write jokes and that's all I think about.
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One of my first office jobs was cleaning the windows on brown envelopes.
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I don't think jogging is healthy, especially morning jogging. If morning joggers knew how tempting they looked to morning motorists, they would stay home and do sit-ups.
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My father was never very friendly. When I was growing up, I thought the doorbell ringing was a signal to pretend you weren't home.
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Los Angeles is a very transient town. It's the only place I know where you can actually rent a dog.
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The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down.
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If I say a joke and the audience laughs it makes me feel good.
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When you're a dancer, you start with the basics. You don't all of a sudden do a grand jete and pirouette. You start with first position, second, third.
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I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don't know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I'll break up with someone on purpose.
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How come when you mix water and flour together you get glue...and then you add eggs and sugar and you get cake? Where does the glue go?
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Most women are introspective: Am I in love? Am I emotionally and creatively fulfilled? Most men are outrospective: Did my team win? How's my car?
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We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet.
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My father watched football with the sound off because he lived in fear of hearing the voice of Howard Cosell.
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I was a ballerina. I had to quit after I injured a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.
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I don't look back. I'm like a shark - I only look forward.
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I burned sixty calories. That should take care of a peanut I had in 1962.
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Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times.
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If you like easygoing, monogamous men, stay away from billionaires.
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I had no desire to be a stand-up comic until I decided to do it.
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