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My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow.
Rita Rudner
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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Cooks
Sorrow
Humor
Funny
House
Lousy
Mother
Thanksgiving
Time
Cook
Memorable
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Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.
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Not one man in a beer commercial has a beerbelly.
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When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.
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I get a lot of return business. I think it's all those years I put in traveling around the country people saw me before and had a good time so they want to see me again.
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My father was never very friendly. When I was growing up, I thought the doorbell ringing was a signal to pretend you weren't home.
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If I say a joke and the audience laughs it makes me feel good.
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I suffer from peroxide phobia. Every time I've gotten near a blond woman, something of mine has disappeared. Jobs, boyfriends... one time an angora sweater leaped right off my body.
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Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.
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My father watched football with the sound off because he lived in fear of hearing the voice of Howard Cosell.
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The way a man looks at himself in a mirror will tell you if he can ever care about anyone else.
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The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him
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Men don't live well by themselves. They don't even live like people. They live like bears with furniture.
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Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.
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I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.
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I loved my mother very much, but she was not a good cook. Most turkeys taste better the day after my mother's tasted better the day before. In our house Thanksgiving was a time for sorrow.
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I was a ballerina. I had to quit after I injured a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.
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I just don't get cats. To me, they're a waste of fur.
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I hate learning through experience. Just once I'd like to learn something because someone was nice enough to tell me in advance.
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I burned sixty calories. That should take care of a peanut I had in 1962.
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My cousin just got married for the totally wrong reasons. She married a man for money. She wasn't real subtle about it. Instead of calling him her fiancé, she kept calling him her financee.
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