Quote

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself well, that's not going to happen

Rita Rudner

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Going
Fiction
Way
Happen
Read
Science
Happens
Hilarious
Ends
Recipes
Wells
Kitchen
Well
Cooking

More quotes by Rita Rudner

Image
Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.
Rita Rudner
Image
Halloween was confusing. All my life my parents said, Never take candy from strangers. And then they dressed me up and said, Go beg for it. I didn't know what to do. I'd knock on people's doors and go, Trick or treat.
Rita Rudner
Image
I had the most boring office job in the world...I used to clean the windows on envelopes.
Rita Rudner
Image
I don't like when there's too much conversation because I'm shy and it makes me uncomfortable.
Rita Rudner
Image
I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them.
Rita Rudner
Image
All men look at Dr. Ruth and wonder how she has gained all that sexual experience.
Rita Rudner
Image
Men who are going bald often wear baseball caps.
Rita Rudner
Image
Men do cry, but only when assembling furniture.
Rita Rudner
Image
Most turkeys taste better the day after my mother's tasted better the day before.
Rita Rudner
Image
How come when you mix water and flour together you get glue...and then you add eggs and sugar and you get cake? Where does the glue go?
Rita Rudner
Image
Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with super-heroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.
Rita Rudner
Image
Individuality in dressing is not important to men. If they all look alike it means they haven't made a mistake.
Rita Rudner
Image
If your husband has difficulty getting to sleep, the words 'we need to talk about our relationship' may help.
Rita Rudner
Image
My father was never very friendly. When I was growing up, I thought the doorbell ringing was a signal to pretend you weren't home.
Rita Rudner
Image
There are different kinds of humor, some is sarcastic, some introspective. Introspective fit my personality better.
Rita Rudner
Image
I get a lot of return business. I think it's all those years I put in traveling around the country people saw me before and had a good time so they want to see me again.
Rita Rudner
Image
The way a man looks at himself in a mirror will tell you if he can ever care about anyone else.
Rita Rudner
Image
An amicable divorce is like a ventilated condom it just doesn't work.
Rita Rudner
Image
I don't look back. I'm like a shark - I only look forward.
Rita Rudner
Image
I loved my mother very much, but she was not a good cook. Most turkeys taste better the day after my mother's tasted better the day before. In our house Thanksgiving was a time for sorrow.
Rita Rudner