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I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself well, that's not going to happen

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Going
Fiction
Way
Happen
Read
Science
Happens
Hilarious
Ends
Recipes
Wells
Kitchen
Well
Cooking

More quotes by Rita Rudner

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I don't want to push the envelope. Let the envelope stay in the middle of the table. I'll just make you laugh.
Rita Rudner
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Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times.
Rita Rudner
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I work for myself, which is fun. Except when I call in sick, I know I'm lying.
Rita Rudner
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Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.
Rita Rudner
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My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.
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Why are women wearing perfumes that smell like flowers to attract men? Men don't like flowers. I have a great idea for a scent that will attract men - how about New Car Interior?
Rita Rudner
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I adore being hitched. It's so extraordinary to discover one unique individual you need to irritate for whatever remains of your life.
Rita Rudner
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I don't think jogging is healthy, especially morning jogging. If morning joggers knew how tempting they looked to morning motorists, they would stay home and do sit-ups.
Rita Rudner
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It takes six months to get into shape and two weeks to get out of shape. Once you know this you can stop being angry about other things in life and only be angry about this.
Rita Rudner
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My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow.
Rita Rudner
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My parents were glad to see that my new husband looks like a 'regular guy'-no earring or anything. But really I think a man with an earring is better prepared for marriage. I mean, he's already experienced pain and bought jewelry.
Rita Rudner
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Men don't live well by themselves. They don't even live like people. They live like bears with furniture.
Rita Rudner
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I had the most boring office job in the world...I used to clean the windows on envelopes.
Rita Rudner
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I burned sixty calories. That should take care of a peanut I had in 1962.
Rita Rudner
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Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
Rita Rudner
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I don't like when there's too much conversation because I'm shy and it makes me uncomfortable.
Rita Rudner
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Thirty, I really like you but I still have to see other people.
Rita Rudner
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Wives are people who think it's against the law not to answer the phone when it rings.
Rita Rudner
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We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet.
Rita Rudner
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All men look at Dr. Ruth and wonder how she has gained all that sexual experience.
Rita Rudner