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I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself well, that's not going to happen

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Way
Happen
Read
Science
Happens
Hilarious
Ends
Recipes
Wells
Kitchen
Well
Cooking
Going
Fiction

More quotes by Rita Rudner

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I don't think jogging is healthy, especially morning jogging. If morning joggers knew how tempting they looked to morning motorists, they would stay home and do sit-ups.
Rita Rudner
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When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.
Rita Rudner
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Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.
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Men do cry, but only when assembling furniture.
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One of my first office jobs was cleaning the windows on brown envelopes.
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The way a man looks at himself in a mirror will tell you if he can ever care about anyone else.
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You know it's love when you want to keep holding hands even after you're sweaty.
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I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don't know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I'll break up with someone on purpose.
Rita Rudner
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Men would like monogamy better if it sounded less like monotony.
Rita Rudner
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We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet.
Rita Rudner
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An amicable divorce is like a ventilated condom it just doesn't work.
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I want to have young children although my mother and father are even now young sufficient to just take care of them.
Rita Rudner
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Life is tough enough without having someone kick you from the inside.
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Men are brave enough to go to war, but they are not brave enough to get a bikini wax.
Rita Rudner
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I had the most boring office job in the world...I used to clean the windows on envelopes.
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Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.
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When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she will assume she has gained weight. When a man tries something from his closet that feels tight, he will assume the clothing has shrunk.
Rita Rudner
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If you like easygoing, monogamous men, stay away from billionaires.
Rita Rudner
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Individuality in dressing is not important to men. If they all look alike it means they haven't made a mistake.
Rita Rudner
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There are different kinds of humor, some is sarcastic, some introspective. Introspective fit my personality better.
Rita Rudner